


Closeted Coats

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [24]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Multi, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>fight me</b><br/>im hungryyyyy</p><p><b>disney god</b><br/>food actually takes time to cook</p><p><b>fight me</b><br/>oh wow really such a concept<br/>i am astonished<br/>how did i never discover that"</p><p>*<br/>The Poly Squad have something akin to a date night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closeted Coats

**The Poly Squad**  
_baguette fucker, disney god, fight me, get ur own dicc_

 **fight me**  
laf  
dear  
why did i just open your closet  
only to have All OF YOUR EFFING COATS fall on me

 **baguette fucker**  
they need to be gay  
they need to come out  
why did you open my closet

 **fight me  
** i was looking for my laptop charger

 **baguette fucker**  
why would it be in my closet  
it’s on the kitchen table

 **get ur own dicc  
** er no that’s mine

 **fight me  
** ye that’s john’s

 **baguette fucker  
** have you checked anywhere else

 **fight me**  
i would  
but im currently being suffocated under the weight of all your coats

 **baguette fucker  
** it is not that bad

 **get ur own dicc**  
i have to side with alex here  
you have a lot of coats

 **baguette fucker  
** i am being betrayed  
@ **disney god** back me up here

 **fight me**  
herc is at ballet class  
i am going to die under all these coats  
no one is at home

 **baguette fucker  
** you are not going to die

 **fight me**  
oh it’s going dark  
the light at the end of the tunnel it is coming for me  
what have i ever done to deserve this  
my s.o. betraying me this way

 **baguette fucker**  
i have not betrayed you  
and you have not done anything

 **fight me**  
so why wouldn’t you help me  
mum is that you  
im coming for you mum im coming

 **baguette fucker  
** please don’t be ridiculous

 **fight me  
** goodbye

 **baguette fucker  
** …  
@ **get ur own dicc** are you not going to help  
or say anything

 **get ur own dicc  
**_forwarded message_  
**fight me**  
            no one is at home  
he wasn’t lying my love

 **fight me  
** laf please come closer

 **baguette fucker  
** seeing as i am literally not at home idk how you want me to do that

 **fight me**  
please just  
come closer

 **baguette fucker  
** smh

 **fight me  
** please

 **baguette fucker**  
fine  
what

 **fight me  
** you own too many coats

 **baguette fucker  
** im leaving you

 **fight me  
** now that’s just rude

*

 **get ur own dicc  
** herc doesn’t have class after ballet right

 **baguette fucker  
** no not today why

 **get ur own dicc  
** he still isn’t home

 **baguette fucker  
** have you tried calling him

 **get ur own dicc  
** oh right

 **fight me  
** thank god you’re pretty

 **get ur own dicc**  
this gc is so toxic today honestly

*

 **Hercules <3  
** _online_

herc where r u???

oops soz i got distracted

by??

pokemon go

oh  
that’s understandable  
please buy food back

what do you want to eat

idk should we ask the gc

kk

*

 **The Poly Squad**  
_baguette fucker, disney god, fight me, get ur own dicc_

 **get ur own dicc**  
herc is fine  
just playing pokemon go  
he asks what do you want for dinner

 **fight me  
** i kinda want mcdonalds

 **baguette fucker  
** i want pasta

 **get ur own dicc  
** i just want fries honestly

 **fight me  
** @ **baguette fucker** actually no u right pasta is gr9

 **disney god  
** im going to go to that restaurant that sells japanese italian food

 **baguette fucker  
** that’s such a weird combo honestly

 **fight me  
** but yet it works

 **get ur own dicc  
** ooh i love that restaurant

 **baguette fucker  
** @ **get ur own dicc** we all do

 **disney god  
** @ **get ur own dicc** i know which is why im going there

 **get ur own dicc  
** bless having lovely boyfriend

 **disney god  
** i know aren’t i great

 **get ur own dicc  
** i think you just ruined the moment

*

 **fight me  
** im hungryyyyy

 **disney god  
** food actually takes time to cook

 **fight me**  
oh wow really such a concept  
i am astonished  
how did i never discover that

 **baguette fucker  
** he has reached the hangry phase

 **fight me  
** im not hangry

 **baguette fucker  
** you just snapped at hercules

 **disney god  
** ):

 **fight me  
** @ **disney god** im sorry i didn’t mean to be mean  
i just want food

 **disney god**  
tbh me too  
where is the fOOD  
oh here it is

 **fight me  
** yay!!!

*

 **get ur own dicc**  
i found my friends boxset  
shall we watch it

 **baguette fucker  
** why do you have your friends’ boxset

 **get ur own dicc  
** no my Friends boxset

 **baguette fucker  
** idgi

 **fight me  
** laf have you ever watched friends

 **baguette fucker  
** what’s that

 **get ur own dicc  
** wE'RE WATCHING IT TONIGHT

*

 **disney god  
** i caught a dodrio on the way home

 **fight me**  
hONESTLY  
first he chooses instinct over valor  
then he catches a dodrio over me

 **disney god  
** i thought you didn’t have a problem with me choosing instinct

 **fight me**  
well no i don’t  
but i still feel slightly betrayed

 **get ur own dicc  
** children please

 **disney god  
** @ **get ur own dicc** what did you choose

 **get ur own dicc  
** valor

 **baguette fucker  
** i have no idea what you're talking about

 **disney god  
** are you not playing pokemon go

 **baguette fucker**  
not really?  
i didn’t exactly grow up with it

 **disney god  
** pLAY IT ANYWAY

 **baguette fucker  
** can we just have dinner first

 **disney god  
** okay

*

 **disney god  
** iM HOME

 **fight me  
** fOOD

 **get ur own dicc  
** i have never seen alex so excited about food

 **baguette fucker  
** when did you last eat

 **fight me  
** it’s monday right

 **baguette fucker  
** iT'S WEDNESDAY

 **fight me**  
oh  
it’s been a while

 **get ur own dicc**  
god help me  
no  
god help aLEX

 **fight me**  
welp im eating now  
does that make you feel better

 **get ur own dicc  
** marginally

 **disney god  
** i see food but no friends

 **get ur own dicc  
** whoop

*

 **baguette fucker**  
is it me or does friends feel a little  
straight

 **fight me  
** oh it is

 **baguette fucker  
** right

*

 **fight me  
** cuvweknqfxom

 **get ur own dicc  
** alex just faceplanted onto the sofa

 **disney god**  
at least he’s sleeping  
his neck will die if he sleeps like that

 **disney god  
** we’ll move him once this episode is over

 **get ur own dicc**  
that’s code for never  
because we will never stop watching friends

 **disney god  
** are you complaining

 **get ur own dicc  
** not really

 **baguette fucker  
** it is still really straight

*

 **baguette fucker  
** if we were all friends characters which ones would we be

 **get ur own dicc**  
i think alex is monica  
because he is just nonstop like her  
but he has a really sweet heart  
and i think herc is susan  
because he is always so Done with everyone’s shit

 **baguette fucker  
** i can’t decide if john is rachel

 **get ur own dicc  
** why am i rachel

 **baguette fucker**  
i was thinking along the lines of you being dependant on your dad when you were younger but now you’re not  
but like that’s wrong because you’ve been fighting him since young so

 **get ur own dicc  
** monica is not that nonstop

 **disney god  
** this might have been the wrong line of questioning

 **get ur own dicc**  
tru  
let’s go to bed

 **baguette fucker  
** but dishes

 **disney god  
** they’re takeout you can throw them away

 **baguette fucker  
** rIGHT

*  
**get ur own dicc  
** night ily

 **disney god  
** ily2

 **baguette fucker**  
ily3  
we love you too alex

 **get ur own dicc  
** ye ily alex

 **disney god  
** ily2

*

 **fight me**  
herc is still susan  
and ily2

*

 **kinkshame jefferson  
** _aaron burr, angel, ayyyymaria, baguette fucker, disney god, dosiaaa, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, jamesmadd, peggy_

 **dosiaaa  
** the boys have been quiet today

 **angel  
** for once

 **eliza  
** @ **angel** don’t act like you don’t enjoy their bantering

 **angel  
** @ **eliza** why do you say bantering like we’re english

 **eliza  
** @ **angel** you’re avoiding the question

 **peggy  
** hush children

 **eliza  
** @ **peggy** you’re literally the youngest

 **aaron burr  
** I, for one, enjoyed it  
I was able to study in the coffee shop in peace  
Thanks @ **ayyyymaria** for the coffee

 **ayyyymaria**  
oh you know  
not like im being paid to make coffee  
or ‘ve been trained to make it

 **aaron burr  
** Do you want me to withdraw the compliment

 **ayyyymaria**  
please don’t  
in fact please tell management what you just said  
so they stop treating me like shit

 **aaron burr  
** Do you want a handwritten letter or

 **ayyyymaria  
** please

 **aaron burr  
** I was kidding

 **ayyyymaria**  
i was not

*****

**Aaron  
** _online_

dear  
maria just gave me stamps  
an envelope  
paper  
and pens  
i think you’re going to have to write that letter

I no longer exist

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be their first fight but like nah. Not right now. Next time.
> 
> Ngl this chapter was inspired by me being really fucking hungry. Also I have a craving for smoked salmon pasta. And fries. Why am I like this.
> 
> I did actually catch a dodrio today, but I don't actually know the names by heart so I had to google it. Look, I'm just here to name my pokemon cute names alright?
> 
> Surprisingly, none of today's jokes were taken from tumblr. Except the "thank god you're pretty thing", that's from Friends.
> 
> My fandom tumblr is [here](http://bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) and my writing tumblr is [here](http://covetsubjugation.tumblr.com). See you around, Imma go eat.


End file.
